Just For Fun!

Some good jokes

2009-01-08T01:16:00.000-08:00

Some jokes for our great friends (this time, no photos)

A little girl and her mother were out and about.

Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.

The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.

The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

Rude? funny.
How about some other jokes?

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is
also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a
dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from
there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks
up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to
him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook
happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.

The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly
brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll
take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing
around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man
comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming
and runs to the kitchen.

He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take
it to the blind man."

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in
and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have
the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says,
"Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."

And here is some funny mail that has passed in an office...

December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis - Human Resources Director

December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis - Human Resources Director

December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange-no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.
Patty Lewis - Human Researchers Director

December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?
Patty Lewis - Human Racehorses Director

December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people-nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."
Patty Lewis - Human Ratraces

December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians-I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now. Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The Bitch from Hell!

December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Terri Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

Biggest Motorbike Hell !!!!!

2008-12-04T11:45:00.000-08:00

Mobile Car

2008-12-04T01:14:00.000-08:00

DARE TO RIDE IT!!!

2008-12-01T11:53:00.000-08:00

New plane designed by Boeing using Gold for the Sultan of Brunei

2008-11-29T09:45:00.000-08:00

Have a look at new plane designed by Boeing... for the sultan of brunei

A ll that shines inside the flight are made of pure gold like wash basin ,frames,etc.......

Ford CEOs Excursion Car

2008-11-20T01:13:00.000-08:00

Be careful, When u give ur Last Rolo---Really Funny Video

2008-11-12T09:24:00.000-08:00

Abhishek bachchan In his most Funny Ad!!

2008-11-11T08:08:00.000-08:00

Bad Diarrhea Day

2008-11-10T08:13:00.000-08:00

Didnt Your mom warn you?

2008-11-09T07:35:00.000-08:00

Betting Online!

2008-11-03T13:17:00.000-08:00

According to Wikipedia,

Betting has a specific economic definition, referring to wagering money or
something of material value on an event with an uncertain outcome with the
primary intent of winning additional money and/or material goods. Typically, the
outcome of the wager is evident within a short period of time.

The term gaming in this context typically refers to instances in which the activity has been specifically permitted by law. The two words are not mutually exclusive; i.e., a “gaming” company offers (legal) “gambling” activities to the public. (This distinction is not universally observed in the English-speaking world, however. For instance, in the UK, the regulator of gambling activities is called the Gambling Commission (not the Gaming Commission).

There are a lot of websites that offer online betting on various sports etc. The game which is betted upon the most is football. Betting is legal in UK, so UK is the hub of online betting,mainly on sports. Betting on team sports has become an important service industry in many countries. For example, millions of Britons play the football pools every week. There are many sites that even provide free bets i.e. you dont have to pay before betting. But in my honest opinion, before betting, we must consider the legal aspect of it. If its illegal in your area, prefer not to indulge in such practices.

Say 'I Love you' .............in your own special way.

2008-11-01T17:12:00.000-07:00

Say 'I Love you' .............in your own special way.

A guy, of a University in Japan, wanted to express his unfathomable love to his sweetheart.

So, what did he do........?

He gave chocolates to all the girls living in the University student apartments and asked them to turn their lights on or off at 8pm that night. See the picture for the rest.............

Truly Breath taking! You don't need to guess his sweetheart's reaction.

Hundreds of students came over later to witness this great piece of Art driven by the Greatest Emotion known to Man - 'Love'.

Worlds v/s Indian Railways

2008-10-27T11:42:00.000-07:00

CHINA 's CRH2

TAIWAN 's THSR

KOREA 's KTX

JAPAN 's SHINKANZEN

SPAIN 's AVE

UK 's EUROSTAR

FRANCE ' TGV

DUBAI 's METRO

And now the Best!
INDIA 's ALL ABOARD

Download Malware!

2008-10-20T08:43:00.000-07:00

Accourding to Wikipedia,

Malware is software designed to infiltrate or damage a computer system without the owner's informed consent.

You must be confused thinking I have gone out of my mind asking you people to download malware, but in real,its not. Whosoever uses internet is susceptible to malware. Accourding to a reputed internet security company, the number of malware applications produced just in the year 2007 was just equal to the ones produced in past 20 years.

So how to get rid of them?

While surfing over the net for some malware removing applications, I came accross a website asking to download a malware application. The site provided some really amazing approach to fight those malware applications. You are provided with a malware application for your system to build some IMMUNITY against malwares on the net. I dont know whether this thing will work or not, but for sure, I am going to give it a try (not at all on my own PC).I am thinking to download malware from that site and test its workability on my college computer ;)

Hope it works well for me.

LINK TO THE SITE

A bad day for me today :(

2008-10-17T08:38:00.000-07:00

Wow!
What a day it has been till now :(
When i woke in the morning, I was shocked to see that my mobile was not working. I was getting the error "Sim Rejected" everytime I inserted the sim and restarted the phone. Later I went to my vendor providing sim only deals. He informed me that the sim was corrupted and needed to purchase another one. Got a new sim from there.
Now I am thinking of getting a new cellphone too for myself. After going through numerous mobile phone reviews and various mobile phone contract options, I am thinking to buy a brand new Nokia N96 soon. I'd like to get your comments and suggestions regarding similar options available at present in the market.

P.S. Dont ask me to get an iPhone.

Magic of Shadows - Fantastic!

2008-10-16T21:17:00.000-07:00

Tim Nobel and Sue Webster take piles of trash and creates art from them... but sometimes the art isn't apparent until you see it in a different light.

Mobile Deals

2008-10-16T07:31:00.000-07:00

Hey guys!
Now I am planning to step out of these funny posts and now I am thinking of expanding the topics being covered in this blog. Lets talk about Mobile Deals today.
There was a time when mobile phones were out of the reach of ordinary people. It was more of an item of luxury. Carrying mobile phone reflected a person’s status. Normal people could not afford it and for student’s acquiring mobile phones was just out of question. But things changed as cheap mobile phone along with cheap mobile phone deals, entered the market.
This is the era of broadband and even mobiles are not isolated from its effect. Now we have the facility of Mobile broadband.

Wikipedia defines mobile broadband as

Mobile broadband is the name used to describe various types of wireless high-speed internet access through a portable modem, telephone or other device. Various network standards may be used, such as GPRS, 3G, WiMAX, UMTS/HSPA, EV-DO and some portable satellite-based systems.

Here worth mentioning are the services to look while selecting a mobile broadband service, as you to pay as you go mobile phones:

Price/Fees – We looked at the monthly rate for unlimited broadband access for business accounts as our comparison rate, but we also considered the price for personal accounts and non–voice customer pricing and fees.
Coverage – The best mobile broadband services provide coverage in high population areas and major airports. Some also offer Wi–Fi connections in airports and hotels and roaming access.
Help/Support – Providers should support several contact methods including by telephone and email. They ought to also post helpful information online like FAQs, tutorials, device manuals and other supportive documentation.

Which Mobiles to buy: My suggestions

2008-10-16T07:09:00.000-07:00

With so many features and functions, buying a mobile phone can be very confusing. To help make things a little clearer, you can read through Mobile Phone Reviews for the mobile you want. Or, if you already know what you need, you can either go straight for a brands like Nokia ending up with a stylish Nokia N96, or a TMobile G1. Another option can be samsung tocco contract or otherwise look for cheap mobile phones or you can sort the mobile phones by the feature you’re looking for, like mobile phones with WiFi.

Web Design The Right Way

2008-10-15T20:08:00.000-07:00

Web Design is such an important part of creating your online presence but many people make some big mistakes. It is important to find a web design company that has experience and knows what they are doing. I found a good riverside web design company when I was searching for one last week. They have been in business for a few years and they have a good understand of search engine optimization.

In today's Internet world you have to have an Internet presence and finding a design firm that knows how to create a website that is search engine friendly is a must have. If a website isn't coded the right way then it's possible that the important pages might not ever get picked up by the search engines. If this happens you could loose out on important web traffic.

The World Wide Web Consortium (W3C) has set forth standards but not all the web designers and firms out there follow them. Many are self taught and take short cuts that could hinder your website performance. There is a great article on how to pick a web design firm that is a must read. The article covers freelance artist all the way through to the large design firms and what to look out for.

Bugs in Movies !!!

2008-10-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

Old movie. New watch? Watch it out!

...........................................................
You need to hold the trigger to shoot someone or...?

...........................................................
Hmmm.... aero planes in the Trojan War?

...........................................................
Bows, arrows, ... and cellphones in the olden days?

...........................................................
Wow! In those days,... Adidas? Hmmm.... Pakka branded Pirate!

The Ultimate Marketing Strategy

2008-09-09T09:02:00.000-07:00

In a recent marketing campaign in Vancouver, 3M sought a strong image for their security glass. They modified a bus shelter and fitted their security glass and filled

it with REAL BANKNOTES.

Many have tried to gain access with golf clubs and baseball bats but obviously the glass remains intact! This is what you call having faith in your own product...

Web Hosting: Some Tips

2008-07-31T09:48:00.000-07:00

With thousands of web hosting companies in the market it can be difficult if not impossible to know which web hosting companies truly provide an excellent hosting solution at an excellent price. When you have an established domain name with a good web hosting company, you can get reports on your traffic and which of your pages your customers are visiting most often, as well as many other statistics.

Your web host will charge you a fee for monthly service that ranges from $2 or $20 to the more expensive $50.00 per month. At Siteground, you have to shell @ $5.95 per month for a package of 2 years or $6.95 for an annual package.
Always avoid free or very inexpensive web hosting services, because you may experience bouts of server downtimes and you are likely to have significant limitations in storage, number of email addresses, FTP upload etc.

For the types of hosting, I'd refer Wikipedia where all the hosting like Shared Hosting,Reseller Hosting, Free hosting etc are explained in detail.
Be sure your web host can accommodate e-commerce and storefronts, wireless capability, bogs, forums, chats, online interactive helps and anything else you want to add onto your site.

Estimate what your growth needs are and ensure that this web host can serve you as you grow. The last thing you want to do is change host mid way unless you absolutely have to do so.

Asians are really funny people

2008-07-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

COP JOKES....The Police In Humor

2008-07-11T09:50:00.000-07:00

Ten Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation

10. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.
9. He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested.
8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.
7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop".
5. He keeps asking you if his bulletproof vest makes him look fat.
4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids.
2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!

Fainters:Funny Video

2008-06-29T06:47:00.000-07:00

At the hospital:Funny Video

2008-06-29T02:46:00.000-07:00

Fun in Aircraft:Funny Video

2008-06-29T02:31:00.000-07:00

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

2008-06-25T11:52:00.000-07:00

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

Spread `em

2008-06-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

Camera Tricks to scare people

2008-06-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

A very funny candid camera with a special protagonist: The GrimReeper!!!

Performia International

2008-06-19T01:30:00.000-07:00

One brain is enough to give birth to some company but to keep it running what you need is dedicated staff that is ready to work honestly towards the goals of the company. In many cases the only reason for the downfall of an organization is its lazy staff. Learning from such case studies, companies should prefer to take help of experts when it comes to hiring new professionals for their organizational necessities.

Performia International is one of the very famous organizations delivering their hiring and recruitment services in over 20 countries. Marten Runow, the brain behind Performia, has over 20 years of experience and his system has evaluated around 750.000 candidates for 15.000 Businesses.

Performia starts with a 3 hour seminar for their client which is enough to explain to the client the advantages of its service. The main services delivered are licenses. Using this service clients take care of the hiring procedure and use the Internet based system to increase the productivity of their business by hiring personnel who will work hard and who suit the needs of the company.

Husband`s Affair

2008-06-18T02:56:00.000-07:00

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. 'I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.'

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph.

The husband speaks again, 'I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,' he says, 'because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are.'

Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75.

He pushes his luck, 'I want the house,' he says insistently.

Up to 80.

'I want the car, too,' he continues.

85 mph.

'And,' he says, 'I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!'

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, 'Isn't there anything you want?'

The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. 'No, I've got everything I need,' she says.

'Oh, really,' he inquires, 'so what have you got?'

Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles, 'The airbag.'

---------
Not the usual story you would find on Texas divorce records. Are you looking to divorce in Texas? You should start by looking at the Texas divorce validity

Experience the Hell!!!!

2008-06-17T16:00:00.000-07:00

7A guy died and woke up to find he was in Hell. He was really depressed as he stood in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor. He thought to himself, "I know I led a wild life, but I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this."

Looking up he saw that it was his turn to be processed into Hell. With fear and a heavy heart, he walked up to the counselor.

The counselor said, "What's the problem, you look depressed?"

The man responded, "Well, what do you think? I'm in Hell."

The counselor said, "Hell's not so bad, we actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?"

The man said, "Sure, I love to drink."

The counselor replied, "Well then, you are going to love Mondays. On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much as you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?"

The man said, "Yes, as a matter of fact I do."

The counselor replied, "You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays. Do you do drugs?"

The man said, "Well in my younger days I experimented a little; never inhaled."

The counselor replied, "You are going to love Wednesdays. That's drug day. You can experiment with any drug you want and you don't have to worry about overdoses or getting hooked because you are already dead. You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?"

The man said, "Yes, I love to gamble."

The counselor replied, "You are going to love Thursdays because we gamble all day and night--black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! You are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?"

The man said, "Well, no I'm not."

The counselor replied, "Oh, Friday, saturday and sunday then, uh, will certainly be a new experience for you every weekend..."

Domain registration and copyright violation

2008-06-17T02:44:00.000-07:00

One of the most important aspects of choosing a domain registration is that it should be non-infringing. This is not an easy task since most unique names have already been registered. The number of useful domain names from the marketing point of view have become extremely limited. Several companies now register variations of their trademark names as a preventive measure against infringement. For example, check www.coke.com, www.coca-cola.com, and www.coca-cola.com, or try www.3m.com and www.mmm.com.

All these factors have led to a crisis of domain names and given rise to increasing cases of infringement of domain registration. A number of companies have taken legal action against other companies or individuals over alleged copyright violation on the domain names.

There are some fundamental guidelines and cross-checks for selection of a domain name registration.

You must carefully select some names that are relevant to your business model. You must be able to justify your reason for using the name. Your domain name registration should principally consist of a name you are using as a trade name, trademark or corporate name.

It is better to select more than one name since you are not sure about the availability of the required domain name.

Now, search the website of one of the prominent domain name registrars to check if the required name is available. If the name has already been registered by someone else, the search result will provide you with optional names that are similar to your requirements. For example, for the name "ford", the search result may give you similar names like "aboutford.com" and "fordbusiness.com".

If the domain name that you are looking has already been registered but there is no content being displayed at the domain, try to find out the details of the owner of the domain. It is possible that he/she may be genuine and have yet not published any content.

It is also possible that the owner does not plan to create a web site and is willing to give you the domain at the original price. You must confirm that the seller has ownership rights for that particular domain name.
To Find domain name registrar that is same as or quite similar to another well-known trademark, may lead to legal action. The regulations governing these issues are dealt by Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN).

It is very likely that you would lose right of your domain name registration if you have intentionally chosen a name similar to another domain name so as to confuse potential visitors to the site. For example, if your site deals in consumer electronics goods made by a Samsung competitor, do not choose the name "samsungbusiness.com" since a court is most likely to pass a verdict that you selected this name to divert attention of Samsung customers.

There could be others reasons of losing a domain registration. It may be found that you have never carried out any business under that name or there is no person in your company similar to that name. Another reason could be that you intend to sell that domain name to your competitor for financial gain.

If your domain name is same as your name then you may be allowed to continue to use it, inspite of the fact that it is similar to someone else’s domain name. But the usage of such a name is governed by certain conditions set by court. For example, Mr. Suki Nokia, who runs a cosmetics business, may be allowed to use the domain name "nokia.kr" but he would be barred from using his site to demonstrate any electronics-related information or advertising.

It is also possible for you to use a domain name that is similar to another's trademark if your objective is not to criticize the other person’s business.

In the non-cyberworld, two companies may have the same name if they do not conduct a similar business or do not have similar product lines. Roxy Electrical and Roxy Laundry can coexist comfortably. However, in the web world, both Roxies cannot own the "roxy.com" domain name. The laundry Roxy could register under "roxy.laundry" and the electrician under "roxy.electrical."

A very useful tip is to buy all three of the top level domains - .com, .net and .org. You should also buy all possible misspellings of your domain name before anybody else takes advantage of this fact.

You have put a lot of money and energy into building your business and if you are forced to give up the domain name, your business is likely to suffer due to it. So, you need to put your best efforts in choosing a domain registration that is both distinctive and non-infringing.

Funniest Leave Letters ever Written

2008-06-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

61. Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept: "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: "As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one: "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: - "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Lose weight now...Ask me how ;)

2008-06-16T05:55:00.000-07:00

In the year 2000 every other company tried to use the Internet to earn money and make profits. Similarly almost every other company today is cashing on people who are gaining weight. Be it spam emails or any other medium to promote their work, companies have not left any stone unturned to sell their products and they even seem to taste success in their efforts. The diet pills market has observed a huge jump in the past couple of years.

The buyer must do her part of the research before opting-in to buy some product if she really cares for her health. The buyer should not be attracted by the cover of the book. Flashy websites and promising changes in health must not be the only reasons why he should buy some pill. Experiments are necessary as many times the product is over hyped and it might not be good for her health.

Proactol is a successfully tested medical device and not just some other pill that might not contain what it needs to help lose weight. One should remember that Proactol™ could help you to lose weight but to achieve the slim trim targets which you have set; you will also have to exercise constantly as there is no better medicine than self determination.

At the end of the day, the only answer which you will get from any health care professional or dietitian is changes in your eating habits and changes in your thoughts. The very first step is to leave snacks, sweets, fast food and soft drinks. Give it a start and you will feel the changes yourself.

SEND YOUR NAME TO MOON!!!

2008-06-15T03:30:00.000-07:00

The Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter is NASA’s next big mission to the Moon, & it will launch later this year. It will carry a camera that will have 50 cm resolution on the surface of the Moon, a laser altimeter for mapping the lunar topology, a radiation detector to map out the radiation environment of the Moon, and more.

But there’s something else it can carry as well: your name. NASA is putting a microchip onboard LRO that will contain the names of anyone who submits them. Send them your own, or a relative, or someone you’re trying to impress.

Click HERE to send your name.

I think this is a cute idea. It doesn’t hurt the mission, doesn’t add any real mass, but it can help inspire people about space travel and give them a sense of ownership. They even have a cute video about it.

Click to HERE see the video.

Bill Gates can help you to impress your client :D

2008-06-13T00:18:00.000-07:00

I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattlea couple of weeks ago.

While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced
myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."

"Yes?"

"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, and I' m waiting for a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say "Hi Tom?"

"Sure."

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat. About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

It was Bill Gates.

"Hi, Tom," he said.

I replied, "Shut up, Bill, I'm in a meeting

Sleeping in the Barn

2008-06-12T08:57:00.000-07:00

Three men are driving in a car when it breaks down on an abandoned road: A Hindu man, a Jewish man, and a Polish man. After walking for a few miles, they come across a farm with a barn. Desperately seeking a place to sleep for the night, they knock on the door and ask the farmer if they can sleep in the barn.

The farmer says it's OK as long as they don't disturb his sleep or the animals, so the three men go to sleep in the barn with all the animals.

Fifteen minutes later, the Hindu man bangs on the farmer's door and asks if he can sleep on the floor of his room, because he cannot sleep with sacred cows next to him. The farmer says it's OK and lets him in.

In another fifteen minutes, the Jewish man bangs on the farmer's door and asks if he can sleep on the floor of his room, because he cannot sleep with pigs next to him, and the farmer says this is OK. Now only the Polish man is outside.

Fifteen minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door, and by this time is very annoyed. He opens it, and there stand the cows and the pigs...

Little Johnny!

2008-06-12T04:30:00.001-07:00

The teacher at the beginning of the class says:
"OK kids, we are going to talk about sexual education
today. First we'll
talk about how the human reproduction goes on..."
Immediately, little Johnny raises his hand, and
desperately tries to get the
teacher's attention. But the teacher, knowing how
little Johnny is about
these things, goes on...
"... First, a man a woman have to be in love... " But
little Johny keeps his
hand up, waving it up and down, and from one side to
the other one.
The teacher ignores him.."..They have to be very much
in love because..."
But now little Johnny even starts making noise with
his feet, so the
teacher decides to acknowledge him:
" OK, little Johnny. What do you want to say."
Little Johnny then stands up, and says:

"I just wanted to ask. Those of us who have already
f**ked,can we leave?"

Mama's Job :D

2008-06-12T03:59:00.000-07:00

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"

"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you." So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"

"Stay here and stir the pasta," says the mother. "This is a job for Mama."

5+5=?????

2008-06-11T22:51:00.000-07:00

There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers.
One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill.

He told the uncle to ask him and addition question. So they uncle asked, "What is three plus four?" The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, "Seven."

The uncle said, "Listen kid, you cant count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it.
Now put your hands in your pockets." So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked, "What is five plus five?"

The uncle saw movement in the boys pockets, then the boy said, "Eleven."

A Proxy Father

2008-06-11T22:50:00.000-07:00

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, ''I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ''Good morning, madam. You don't know me but I've come to....''

''Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,'' Mrs. Smith cut in.

''Really ?'' the photographer asked. ''Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies.''

''That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?'' asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out.''

''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me.''

''Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.''

''I hope we can get this over with quickly,'' gasped Mrs. Smith.

''Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure.''

''Don't I know!'' Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ''This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London.''

''Oh my god!!'', Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

''And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'' The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.
''She was difficult ?'' asked Mrs. Smith.
''Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.''

''Four and five deep?'' asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

''Yes,'' the photographer said.

''And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.'' Mrs. Smith leaned forward.

''You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment ?''

''That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work.''

''Tripod??'', Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

''Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam ? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!''

The poor Canadian

2008-06-11T22:43:00.001-07:00

A Canadian walks into a bar and ordered a beer. The bartender replied, "Sorry, we don't serve Canadians in this bar."

"But I'm really thirsty," the Canadian replied. "I'll do anything for a beer!"

"Okay," says the bartender,"if you can do three things, I'll get you a beer."

"First," says the bartender,"do you see that big guy standing by the door? 6'5", 275 pound ex-NFL linebacker who got thrown out of the league for being too mean and nasty? You gotta knock him out cold and drag him out of the bar. That's number one."

"Number two. Back in the kitchen we got this Doberman Pinscher. He's mean, he's nasty, he's vicious, he's hungry, and he's got a bad tooth. You gotta remove his bad tooth. That's number two."

"Number three. Upstairs we got a 70-year-old, 300 pound hooker. You gotta screw her until she climaxes three times. That's number three."

"I'll do it!" screams the Canadian. "What's first?"

"First is the big guy by the door."

The Canadian leaps to his feet and runs headfirst into the huge man. The two of them are rolling on the floor with fists and blood flying everywhere. Finally, the Canadian smashes a chair over his head and drags him from the bar.

Panting and bleeding, he askes the bartender, "Okay, what's next?"

"Number two is the dog in the kitchen."

The Canadian runs into the kitchen. The bartender hears barking, yelling, snarling, screaming, and jaws snapping, followed by a long, painful howling that obviously came from the dog.

The Canadian runs out of the bar, his clothes all ripped and filthy, and says to the bartender, "Okay, where's the old lady with the bad tooth?"

Save Money!

2008-06-11T03:40:00.001-07:00

As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes.

To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife "What's up with all the notes?", to his wife which replies, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."

Nice Help!!

2008-06-11T03:32:00.000-07:00

A Guy is driving his girlfriend home when she decides she wants to go to her friends instead. Her friend lives out of the way so she tells her boyfriend that she would get naked for him if he drove her. The guy says ok and the girl takes off all her clothes. The boyfriend is so busy looking at her that he stacks the car and gets stuck between the steering wheel and the seat. He tells her to go get help and she replied that she couldnt because she didn't have any clothes on. He replies, Take my shoe and cover your snatch with it, and go for help!

She takes the shoe and runs to the closest gas station. She finds the clerk and says, "Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us?" The clerk replies, "I'm sorry, I think he's too far in."

Give It a Try....lol!

2008-06-11T03:31:00.000-07:00

A woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the doctor tells her to push. She does and the baby's head pops out. The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes." To which she replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese men were pretty good, so I decided to give them a try.ï¿½

The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push again. This time the baby's body comes out. "Holy Shit, your baby has a white body," the doctor says. "Yeah I heard them white men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.

The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her to push again and that will be it. So she does and the legs come out. "Holy Shit! Your baby has black legs," the doctor said. "Yeah I heard them black men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.

So the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the umbilical cord and slaps the baby on the ass, it starts to cry. The doctor turns to the woman and asks, "How are you going to deal with a baby who has slanted eyes, white body, and black legs?" The woman replies "I'm just glad it didn't bark!"

No Excuse!

2008-06-11T02:41:00.001-07:00

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

200 Dollars Job!

2008-06-11T02:18:00.000-07:00

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

Jack and Max

2008-06-10T22:39:00.000-07:00

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray ?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke ?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

Iraqi's and a blonde

2008-06-10T22:38:00.001-07:00

A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees President Bush and Colin Powell sitting together. He introduces himself and asks President Bush, "How goes the War effort, Sir?"

President Bush answers, "We're getting ready to kill 40 million Iraqi's and one blonde."

The guy asks in astonishment, "Why are you killing one blonde?"

President Bush turns to Colin Powell and says, "See, I told you people wouldn't care about the Iraqi's."

Instructor's Name

2008-06-10T22:34:00.000-07:00

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.

"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"

"A rose?" asked the neighbor.

"Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?

Read that out!!!

2008-06-10T22:31:00.000-07:00

A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.

He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.

"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.

The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the
chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.

"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.

"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you
can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he asked.

Nahh" said the bloke,

"I'm just a really bad conductor"

The Indian Brain :P

2008-06-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

A British, An Indian, a beautiful girl and an old woman are sitting in a train. The train suddenly goes thru tunnel and ..it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel.

The woman and the Indian are sitting there looking perplexed.The British is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap.

The old woman is thinking : That British must have tried to kiss that girl and has got slapped.

The British is thinking : "Damn it, that Indian must have tried to kiss the girl, she thought it was me and slapped me."

The girl is thinking : "That British must have moved to kiss me,and kissed the Indian instead and got slapped."

The Indian is thinking, "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing
sound and slap that British again."

Funny Questions,Wierd Answers

2008-06-04T13:12:00.000-07:00

Top 10 stupid questions people usually ask in obvi

1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here...

2. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ...why don't you
try again.

3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good??

Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We
occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together:
When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive lout...it's just
the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in
Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted
moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office
asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.

Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ...........it was a piece of chalk and
now it's in flames!!!

Good One for all cricket lovers ..i like it :-)

2008-06-03T17:11:00.000-07:00

Hansie Cronje (Former South African Player) went to hell....

As he stood in front of Yamraj , he saw a huge wall of clocks behind.

he asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock.

Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Hansie, "Who's clock is that?"

"That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie."

"And whose clock is that?"

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."

Hansie asked, "Where's Ricky's (Ricky Ponting) clock?"

Yamraj replied, "Ricky's clock is in my office, I'm using it as a ceiling fan"

A Visit To School !!!

2008-06-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

President Bush went to a school to interact with the children. After having
one brief talk with the children he asked them if they had any question to
ask him.
One boy raised his hand and stood up;
Bush: whats your name
John: john
Bush: whats your question?
John: Sir, I have three questions

1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) Where is osama?
3) Why does America support Pakistan so much?

Bush: you are an intelligent student John....(just then the bell for recess
rang)
Oh! Dear students we will continue after the recess is over.
After the recess
Bush: ok children where were we?
Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?

Peter raises his hand
Bush :Whats your name?
Peter : Sir,I am Peter. I have 5 questions.
1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) Where is osama?
3) Why do America support Pakistan so much?
4) Why did recess bell rang 20 mins before the scheduled time?
5) Where is JOHN?

The nude statues

2008-06-03T02:49:00.000-07:00

Two nude statues (one male and one female) had been standing in the middle of a beautiful park for 99 years. On their 100th anniversary in the park an angel came down from heaven to talk to the statues.

He said to them, “God has been watching you for the past 100 years and has been very pleased with the two of you. So pleased in fact that he has decided to grant you a wish of becoming human for a short time.” The angel then went on to say that they would be human for fifteen minutes and will finally be able to pleasure themselves in a manner in which they have only fantasized about for the last 100 years.

The statues were so excited they could hardly believe it. The second they became human they ran off together behind the bushes. The angel heard the rustling of the bushes and shouts of joy and laughter. After 10 minutes the statues returned from behind the bushes sweating and laughing.

The angel told the statues that they still had 5 more minutes.

The male statue quickly turned to the female statue and said, “Cool, this time you hold down the pigeon and I’ll shit on its head.”

Awesome....The Wedding night

2008-05-13T06:18:00.000-07:00

Sipho gets married and on his wedding night he calls his Father for some tips on what to do, since he has never been with a woman before. So what do I do first?
His father: Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed. 5 minutes later Sipho's on the phone again. She's naked and in bed, what do I do now?
His father can't believe what he is hearing, Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her. After another 5 minutes poor Sipho is on the phone again. Dad, I'm naked and in bed with her, what do I do now?
His dad's patience is now running thin so he says, Shit son, do I have to spell everything out for you? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees. Good night!!!
Just when the old man starts snoring, his son is on the phone once again. Ok Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do next?
DROWN YOURSELF YOU IDIOT!!!!!!

Customer is always right!

2008-05-12T06:13:00.000-07:00

The owner of a new departmental store called his new salesmen and told " Always remember that the customer is very important. He is the king. You have to explain patiently whatever he asks and please remember 'Whatever he says is Right'."
All the salesmen went to their allotted departments. The owner was observing them through TV. Excepting one salesman all were doing good business. He called that salesman in the evening and scolded him " I have been watching you. Though many customers came you have not been able to sell even a single item. Why"
The salesman replied, " Sir, I have been following your instructions very carefully. Whenever a customer comes, I explain him the details of the product, it's special features and clarify all his doubts. In the end they comment that the price of the product is very high. I remember your words and tell them promptly "You are Right" and they leave!"

Art on Laptop

2008-05-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

Concepts :P

2008-04-22T07:34:00.000-07:00

class Indian_Bachelor_ female_professional

{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_ problems;
float mind;
void knowledge();
char non_co_operative;
};

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

class Married_female_ Software_ Professional
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossips;
float hopes;
void work();
char unstable;
};

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

class Female_Engaged_ software_ professional
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_ work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding( );
char edgy;
};

class Indian_Newly_ Married_software _professional
{
double dinner_invitations;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_breaks;
float talks;
void bank_balance( );
char hen_pecked;
};

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

class Indian_husband_ wife_software_ professional
{
double income;
short temper;
long time_no_see;
float new_software_ company;
void lov
};

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Class Guy_who_wrote_ this
{
Long time_on_bench;
Void work();
}

Class Guy_who_read_ this inherits Guy_who_wrote_ this

{

}

Conversation between Husband & Wife who are in Computer Field.

2008-04-22T07:33:00.000-07:00

This is a conversation between Husband & Wife who are in Computer Field.

HUSBAND: Hi Dear, I am logged in.

WIFE: Would you like to have some snacks?

HUSBAND: Hard disk full.

WIFE: Have you brought the saree?

HUSBAND: Bad command or file name.

WIFE: But I told you about it in the morning!

HUSBAND: Syntax error, abort, retry, cancel.

WIFE: HAE BHAGAWAN! Forget it, where's your salary?

HUSBAND: File in use, read only. try after some time.

WIFE: Atleast give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.

HUSBAND: Sharing violation, access denied.

WIFE: I made a mistake in marrying you!

HUSBAND: Data type mismatch.

WIFE: You are useless!

HUSBAND: By default.

WIFE: Who was there with you in the car this morning?

HUSBAND: System unstable. Press ctrl, alt, del to reboot.

WIFE: What is my value in your life?

HUSBAND: Unknown virus detected.

WIFE: Do you love me or your computer?!

HUSBAND: Too many parameters.

WIFE: I will go to my dad's house!

HUSBAND: Program performed illegal operation, it will close.

WIFE: I will leave you forever!

HUSBAND: Close all programs and log out for another user.

WIFE: It's worthless talking to you!

HUSBAND: Shut down the computer.

WIFE: I am going!!!

HUSBAND: It is now safe to turn off your computer.

Jus Read dis...lol :D

2008-04-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

A wife awoke early one morning to the sounds of her husband angrily banging
around pots and pans in the kitchens.
When she goes downstairs, she sees that he is looking for something to eat
but, more importantly, is very upset about something.
"What's the problem, darling? Didn't your program work?"
"It worked. I wrote that code until the wee hours of the morning, and it
worked!"
"Then what's the matter? Where there are a lot of bugs in it?"
"I took special pains to eliminate the bugs. It worked, and it worked
perfectly!"
"So what's wrong?"
"I was so tired when I finished, I decided to take a little nap, just for a
few minutes."
"Did you not sleep well? Did you have a nightmare?" the concerned wife
inquired.
"No, I slept perfectly well ... with my head on the backspace key."

So Touchy and meaningful quotes

2008-04-22T06:06:00.000-07:00

Please click on the pics to have a better view :)

How the boys and girls use ATM

2008-04-21T18:42:00.000-07:00

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.
1. Park the car

2. Go to ATM Machine

3. Insert card

4. Enter PIN

5. Take money out

6. Take ATM Card out

7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM
1. Park the car

2. Check makeup

3. Turn off engine

4. Check makeup

5. Go to ATM

6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse

7. Insert card

8. Hit Cancel

9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it

10. Insert card

11. Enter PIN

12. Take cash

13. Go to car

14. Check makeup

15. Start car

16. Stop car

17. Run back to ATM

18. Take ATM card

19. Back to car

20. Check makeup

21. Start car

22. Check makeup

23. Drive for 1/2 mile

24. Release handbrake

25. Drive on

Lighter side of Poems

2008-04-21T18:26:00.000-07:00

Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
then ~ I wrote your name on my heart And....
I got a heart attack straight away...

God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi
HE saw me in dark, HE created light
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.

Life is FuN , Enjoy it......!!!

Really funny jokes: Ex-wife

2008-04-10T00:03:00.000-07:00

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the Den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag Him?"
The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My ex-wife" replied the hunter.

Secret of a happy married life by a man

2008-04-09T23:50:00.000-07:00

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

X asked, "Can you explain?"

Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"

Y said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

X asked, "Then what is your role?"

Y said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

The Preacher’s Horse Racing exploits

2008-04-09T23:48:00.000-07:00

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER’S ASS SHOWS

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER’S ASS OUT IN FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER’S ASS

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The Bishop was buried the next day.

Ten Dollars Is Ten Dollars

2008-04-09T23:37:00.000-07:00

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, “Edna, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.” And every year Edna would say, “I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”

One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, “Edna, I’m 71 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.” Edna replied, “Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”

The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you, but if you say one word it’s ten dollars.”

Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Fred, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.”

Fred replied, “Well, I was going to say something when Edna fell out of the plane, but ten dollars is ten dollars.”

The Biggest PJ Ever :D

2008-04-04T13:54:00.000-07:00

One day a man comes out of the Bank and hires an Auto for his home.

The auto-driver charged him 100 rs, which is far far larger than the
actual charge, that is 10 rs. The man doesn't know the actual charge and
paid the money.

Now, the mystry begins from the very next morning when the man
awakes.

Suddenly he feels that it's still dark outside and the sun hasn't yet
shown its face. But soon he realise that it's not the case of sun but
he's
actually is not able to see. In short he's blind. He gets very
tensed doesn't know what to do. His entire day has passed with great
anxiety,proceeds, the man gradually starts regaining his eyesight
and he once again normal when it's completely dark out side. At this he is
completely confused and perplexed. He's very eager to know what's
the behind, but finds not a single proper reason for this.
, can you help him to find out the reason behind his sudden
blindness??

a bit

a bit more

socho socho

it's very simple

give one more try

hit your head on the wall

It's very simple

AUTOWALE NE US AADMI KO ULLU BANAYA THA, got it?

Watermelons

2008-03-30T13:29:00.000-07:00

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: “WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!”

He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.

The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: “NOW THERE ARE TWO!”

ChildhOOd !!!

2008-03-30T11:44:00.000-07:00

Click on picture for better view.

THE DINNER DATE - worth reading

2008-03-30T11:34:00.000-07:00

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you."

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. "I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you," I responded.

"Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting."

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time:

"I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.

Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."

It's time to turn up and care for ur family !!

A Funny Court Trial

2008-03-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

This is from an actual trial in the UK : A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.

When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing...... She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.. She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'

The case was dismissed!

Chaman Bhai..In Hindi

2008-03-29T12:13:00.000-07:00

Ek area mein Bhai rehta hai, Chaman Bhai.. Ab uskey area mein jo bhi koi lafda hota hai to police se pehle Chaman Bhai ki adalat mein jaata hai....Ek baar Chaman Bhai ke area mein rape ho jata hai, aur jisney game bajayi hoti hai ukso pakad ke Chaman Bhai ke paas leke jatey hain... Chaman Bhai pehley to bahut shanti se, style mein, us sey baat karta hai... kuch is tarah se...

Chaman : Kya re ? Tere ko maloom nahi yeh apun ka area hai?
Mujrim : Haan maloom hai na bhai.

Chaman : Phir kaisey himmat ki rape karne ki apun ke area mein?
Mujrim : Ab kya boloon bhai, kismat kharab thi.

Chaman : Chal mere ko sub kuch sach sach bata kya aur kaisey hua?
Mujrim : Abhi kya na... Idhar naake pe apun paan khaney ke liye aaya...

Chaman : Phir ?
Murjim : Apun khade hokey paan kharela tha... aur utney mein samney wali building pe apun ki nazar gayi...

Chaman : Aage bol
Mujrim : Udhar teesrey maaley pe ek chikni khadi hui thi

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Apun ko aisa laga ke usney ishaara kiya aaney ke liye..

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?
Mujrim : Apun socha ke kuch kaam hoyenga usko.... to apun builidng ke neeche gaya

Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Usney Isharey se apun ko upar bulaaya... apun seedi chadte yehich sochrela tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Chal fatafat aagey bol
Mujrim : Apun ne usko jaakey bola.... kya kaam hai.. kaiko ishara kiya apun ko?

Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Phir kya bhai, apun ko usney ghar ke andar kheech liya

Chaman : (Excited) Phir ?
Mujrim : Apun ghar me to chala gaya lekin soch raha tha ki "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey bol
Mujrim : Usney apun ka haath pakad liya

Chaman : Accha... Phir?
Mujrim : Sachchi bolta hai bhai haath pakadtey hi apun phir socha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Phir kya tha... Usney bola chikney meri pyaas bujha de

Chaman : Phir tu kya bola (Getting Excited) ?
Mujrim : Apun kya bolta, usne a! pna duppata neechey gira diya

Chaman : To phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Apun ke dimag ki dahi ho gaya, kya mommey (boobs) they saali ke...lekin bhai phir bhi apun socha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?
Mujrim : Apun bola ek-do kiss karega aur chala jayega..... zyada boli to body kaam karenga lekin engine nahi kholney ka.... Aakhir, "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Toh phir ?
Mujrim : Usney apun ko kheech liya.... sacchi bolta hai bhai aisi katil jawaani apun akkhi life me nahi dekha.

Chaman : Haan, woh to hai.... Tu aage bol (Starts to heat up)
Mujrim : Phir kya tha.... apun ne kiss kiya, mommey (boobs) bhi dabaya.... lekin imaan se bolta hai, soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey bol ?
Mujrim : Phir usney apni kameez utar di

Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Phir salwar, lekin apun ke dil me ekich khayal aa raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey aagey ?
Mujrim : phir blouse aur chaddi saali ne sab utar di

Chaman : sahi mein?
Mujrim : phir meri pant keech li

Chaman : Accha ?
Mujrim : meri underwear mein haath dal diya

Chaman : oh !!
Mujrim : chaddi utar di meri, lekin apun phir bhi socha "Chaman Bhai k! a area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : (Getting frustrated)..
Mujrim : Phir woh haath phiraaney lagi

Chaman : (Half Boiling)
Mujrim : phir mooh ghumaaney lagi..... phir bhi apun yehi soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman: (About to blast) Aagey... aagey bol saley....
Mujrim: Chumney Chatney lagi bhaaaaiiii.....lekin bhai kasam se......main yehi soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman: Abey teri to.... Chaman Bhai Gaya Maa Chudaney, tu aage bol !
Mujrim : Yehich...... yehich - apun ne bhi yehi socha bhai.....aur game baja dala.!!!

Story of Akbar and Tansen

2008-03-29T12:05:00.000-07:00

Tansen was a high ranking official in King Akbar's court. However he had one longstanding wish - to suck the queen's voluptuous breasts to his heart's desire.

Every time he passed the queen he would get frustrated. He revealed his desire to Birbal one day, and begged him to do something about it.

Birbal, after much thought, agreed on the condition that Tansen could suck the breasts to his desire but later he would have to pay Birbal 1000 gold coins for it.

Tansen agreed. The next day Birbal prepared a high voltage itching lotion and poured it into the queen's bra while she was taking a bath. Soon the itching started and grew in intensity much to the king's anxiety.

Consultations with doctors and Birbal revealed that a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure it. Birbal also added that such a saliva was only in Tansen 's mouth.

Akbar summoned Tansen and for the next 4 hours Tansen violently sucked the queen's breasts. Licking, biting, pressing, playing he got what he always desired. Satisfied he returned back and met Birbal, but in his lust and since his mission was over, he refused to pay Birbal anything and in fact shooed him away.

Tansen of course knew that Birbal could never report this matter to the emperor since he was instrumental in it himself. What Tansen did not know was what Birbal would do the next day......

Scroll down .......
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!

"Birbal duly put that lotion in Emperor Akbar's underwear

Indian Ladies...really funny

2008-03-26T11:35:00.000-07:00

They cannot miss their favorite T.V. Serial even if there is flood, storm, gale or earthquake!!!!

Look at the expression of worry on helpless Husband's face near the door

leave letters - lmao!!!

2008-03-25T11:35:00.000-07:00

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India .

1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for

leave as follows:

Since I have to go to my village to sell my land
along with my wife,
please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an
employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year
old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me
for two days.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one
responsible for it,
please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave
as follows:

"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10
o-clocks and I may not
return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter

"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day
holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering
from headache. I request
you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the
headmaster:

"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave
for the day."

9. Covering note:

"I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one:

"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please
refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of
leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am
her only husband at home
I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: -

"I am in well here and hope you are also in the
same well."

Very Nice Interview - Just relax

2008-03-24T11:41:00.001-07:00

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from NVSIT.

Interviewer: NVSIT sounds good. I think it might be a Good College...

Candidate: No. No.. No... NVSIT means Nakka vekata Subbamma Institute of Technology.. in Peddapuram.

Interviewer: Nakka venkata Subbamma Institute of Technology ? I had never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it ..
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in EAMCET and I got 99,999 Rank . I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him ' Abba ') - "I can not invest so much of money".( My Abba actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly
speaking this name -Nakka venkata Subbamma , she is a social worker From Peddapuram.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in TCS ( Tirumala Car Servicing Centre ) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Ameerpet is my current platform. Earlier I was at Panjagutta center. So panjagutta was my platform then. These days I'm covering KPHB,SR Nagar areas also as there are good looking girls staying.As you can see I have experience of different platforms! ( Panjagutta and Ameerpetare the places in Hyderabad )

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Telugu , Hindi, English . By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly. I think our chief minister is expert in this language.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I gues! s it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my
mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in 2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome.....

Best Chocolate Art...

2008-03-24T11:41:00.000-07:00

Little helper

2008-03-23T03:24:00.000-07:00

Little Susie was Mommy’s helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Soon, everything was on, Mr. Smythe the guest came in, and everyone sat down.

Then Mother noticed something was missing…

“Susie, dear,” she said, “You didn’t put a knife and fork at Mr. Smythe’s place.”

“But, Mommy, I thought he wouldn’t need them,” explained Susie. “Daddy says he always eats like a horse!”

How to kill your mother in law

2008-03-23T03:10:00.000-07:00

A long time ago in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all.

Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.

Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting.

But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband! d great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-! law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it! Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs.

She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.

Mr. Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, "Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you."

Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do."Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving.

Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect you, when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. "Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen." Li-Li was so happy.

She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.

Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper!r, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.

After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.

Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening. One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said, "Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law. She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her."

Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her."

HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese saying: "The person who loves others will also be loved in return." God might be trying to work in another person's life through you. Send this to your friends and spread the POWER OF LOVE.

The artist says he spent 500 hours painting this picture of Venice in MS Paint!

2008-03-15T11:31:00.000-07:00

Click on image for better view.

Friends.....gud one dont miss this..

2008-03-14T11:31:00.000-07:00

Unusual Roads - interesting

2008-03-12T11:27:00.000-07:00

Forwarded by Aditya

Now thats Performance Pressure-(Click on image for better view)

2008-03-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

SWITZERLAND IN WINTER

2008-03-10T11:25:00.000-07:00

Job Interview of SARDARJI

2008-03-09T11:37:00.001-07:00

A sardarji goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. “So, Mr., can you tell us your age, please?”

The sardarji counts carefully on his fingers for half a minute before

replying. “Um … 22.”

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?” The sardarji stands up and produces a measuring tape from his handbag. He then traps one end under his foot and extends the tape to the top of his head. He checks the measurement and announces, “Five foot two!”

This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the he won’t have to count, measure, or lookup. “Just to confirm for our records, your name please?”

The sardarji bobs his head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to himself, before replying, “Gurpreet” The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, “What were you doing when I asked you your name?”

“Oh, that!” replies the sardarji,” I was just running through that song, “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…Happy Birthday dear Gurpreet…happy birthday to you…”

Cool break-up

2008-03-09T11:32:00.001-07:00

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girl friend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I’m sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,

Becky

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note:

Dear Becky,

I’m so sorry, but I can’t quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,

Ricky

Moral of the story:

If you can’t change your fate, change your attitude.

MasterCard Moments

2008-03-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

10 things you don’t like to hear during surgery

2008-03-09T11:26:00.000-07:00

I’ve just recently had a surgery for my right hand and I know how scary it feels just thinking about going under the knife. I had a good laugh reading this joke today. But seriously - these are 10 things that I surely don’t want to hear my doctor say…

* Has anyone seen my watch?

* Come back with that! Bad Dog!

* Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?

* Hand me that… uh… thingy over there.

* What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change!

* Damn, there go the lights again…

* Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

* What do you mean, he’s not insured?

* Let’s hurry, I don’t want to miss “Bay Watch”

And the number one thing I don’t want to her my doctor say during surgery…

* Oops!

Advanced urine test

2008-03-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

One day Bill complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor.” His friend offered, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.”

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

Hillarious Ones....Must read :-)

2008-03-07T07:31:00.001-08:00

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or loo king up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, She's dead.'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.. ' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE. God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chipcookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Identifying the MAN

2008-03-07T07:04:00.000-08:00

Three women were returning to their Hungarian village when they spotted a man, obviously very inebriated, walking ahead of them.

As they watched him stumbling, he fell face down into a mud puddle. When they walked up to him, one woman turned him over to see if she recognized him.

However, his face was so covered with mud that she bent over and unzipped his pants.

She remarked, “Well, he’s not my husband.”

The second woman peering over her shoulder agreed, “Your right, he’s not your husband.”

The third woman, somewhat older than the other two, bent over to look and said, “He’s not from our village.”

Geoge Bush In Hell

2008-03-07T06:44:00.001-08:00

George W. Bush had a heart attack and died. He went to hell where the Devil was waiting for him.
‘I don’t know what to do here,’ said the devil. ‘You are on my list but I have no room for you.

You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got three folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let you decide who leaves.’

The devil open the first room: in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

‘No!’ Bush said. ‘ I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I don’t think I could do that all day.’

The devil led him to the next room: In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time.

No, I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!’ commented Bush.

The devil opened the third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinski, doing what she did best.

Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, Yeah, I can handle this.’

The devil smiled and said, ‘Okay, Monica, you’re free to go!’

Cyanide....Funny

2008-03-07T06:44:00.000-08:00

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!
They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription. "

Funny...The PARACHUTE CLUB

2008-03-07T06:43:00.001-08:00

Upon reaching 65, old Gary decided to retire.
After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him. She suggested he goes and does something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby.
Old Gary obliged and went out for a couple of hours.
When he got home Pat asked about his day and he replied, "Oh, I just went down to the park and hung out with the guys. And oh yeah, I joined a parachute club."
"What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes again?"
"Yeah, look I even got a membership card."
"Old man!!!!!, you need glasses! This is a membership in a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"
"Oh, great! Now what am I going to do? I signed up for 5 jumps a week!"

Three MICE!

2008-03-07T06:30:00.001-08:00

Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "Whenever I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, then press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass onto the bar, turns to the first mouse and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and fcuk the cat."